Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not feeling the love................

I just need to get it off my chest. I have moments of feeling pretty worthless and unloved. I know in my heart of hearts this is not true, but waves of it come over me. I am striving so hard to find a balance in my life. I have worked unmercifully hard at my career and after having taken many steps forward, I feel I have taken more than that backwards. I have had to defend my actions to a new DM and watch younger people I have trained chosen to do duties I would have liked the chance to do. It is so hard to be motivated when you are never told "good job", even though you know, it is in black & white, that you have done a good job. How can you be expected to go above and beyond every day when there is no outward appreciation for what you do? I struggle with just accepting this or once again stepping up to the plate & knocking it out of the park. If there is no light at the end of the tunnel, why should I? Yes, I will prove to myself I can do it, but I already know that. Maybe, it is just that I was meant for something else on this earth and do not know what that is as of yet. I have always struggled with my self esteem. It has been a life long battle. Upon meeting me you may not see this but it is so true. I do put on a great facade! I need to feel good about something! I need something to strive for and have goals to reach. Right now I am stagnate. God, I hope this passes. I need to feel the love, be appreciated and know I am on this earth for a good reason. Got it out... that's all for now!

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