In memorium

It has been a hard few days. I held my Dad's hand Friday night as he passed away. Cancer had ravaged his body. His beloved wife Virginia ( my step mom) had died 18 months earlier from the same disease. My dad tried to fight but we all know in our heart of hearts that he wanted to be with Ginny. They had retired to a cabin in the Adirondacks where they had a wonderful 15 years, fishing, camping, gardening, and just enjoying life. Our family has many wonderful memories of times spent with them there. I was able to spend some time with my dad these past few weeks as he needed almost constant care. I would care for him on my days off to give my sister a break. My other siblings had done the same. Our relationship had been a tumultuous one, but I think in the past few years a peace had come between us. I heard him tell me he loved me many times these past months when I had longed to hear that from him as a younger person. I will miss that sparkle in his amazing blue eyes when he was teasing you and his sense of humor. We never had heart to heart talks, and I am not sure he knew who I really am as a person. I was always able to just sit quietly with him. I will always remember seeing the glow of his cigarette as he watched a night time thunderstorm, as I would usually wake to join him. I laugh to myself remembering, as a child once again, watching him fish while I sat on a hill behind him. After catching a fish he tossed up the hill towards me, made me scream. To his surprise, I ran down the hill right into the lake. He wasn't expecting that! I think he taught every grandchild in the family, not to eat bread crusts and throw them on the floor, and what "pull my finger" meant. Ginny was (is) his soul mate. After her death he would sit in his chair to watch the sun go down, her empty chair right next to him and talk to her. He told me one day when he sleeps, she curls up to his back, as she always had done. However, when he reached back to touch her she was gone. Ginny was cremated after her death. Her ashes were placed in dad's casket with him and they are buried in a country cemetery under an amazing red beech tree . I think I am going to try to find a marker that says "Gone Fishing". That would be so appropriate. We found this amazing picture of them in their beautiful garden, they tended together. It has an ethereal feel to it. It's like they are in their garden in heaven smiling down on us. May you both rest in peace and be there waiting when I come to join you.

Thought for today

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Mohandas Gandhi

My baby is 14 today.

Fourteen years ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I was told it was a blustery day like today.Very appropriate because her name is Mariah. I was in labor & delivery and could not see outside. She was born via C-section after some difficulties, and my life was immediately better. I had a little girl! She is my joy. Many say she is a mini me, with the animals,art,and opinions. She has beautiful curly hair which she wishes was straight. Just like I did when I was her age. Maybe someday she will embrace the beauty of it. She is a strong girl who never hesitates to tell you how she feels. I love to watch her ride her horse. They are beautiful together. She's not sure what she wants to do with her life, but whatever she decides , I am sure she will do well. Mariah, I love you with all my heart. I love you baby, and know that everything I do is for you to have a good life. Have a good day!

Motivated, etc.

I finally finished 2 pieces I have had in the works for literally years. My studio is somewhat in order. ( I know, I promised pictures ) and I was motivated to get my stuff out and get to work. I made ear wires and polished my bronze earrings I made in class. Some of these are listed on my ETSY site. Started work again yesterday after a quite, productive vacation. I have LOTS of paper work to catch up on at work. Sometimes it's not worth taking a vacation. Hopefully this won't keep me from being more productive making jewelry. I have many unfinished projects that need to be strung or something added. I also have many ideas floating in my brain. I am going to donate a portion of any of my equine pieces to the rescue and re training of retired thoroughbreds. This is a subject that is close to my heart. Our "Hoy" is a retired racehorse, who might have ended up in the slaughterhouse if he did not end up in rescue. This, after winning races and someone actually paying $110,000 for him as a yearling at the Keeneland. He was injured and thrown away. It is very sad. Anyway, right now, life is good and I'll keep plugging away.

Adventures in life and bronze clay

I don't post often ,but I am on vacation this week and renewing an old relationship and working in my house. My studio/office has had quite the transformation. Photos will follow. The weather has been awesome and I have spring fever for sure. My daughter is doing some natural horsemanship ground training with her horse to re-develop leadership. It has been 6 months since she has ridden "Hoy", due to moving him and the severe cold yukky weather we have had. Friday she will throw a leg up again.I have enjoyed watching the whole process and I am excited for her. I also took a class in Bronze clay from my PMC teacher, Nancy Miller, in her studio in Saratoga. I did not think I would like it as much as I did. It is a lot less expensive than silver which will allow me to be free in my creations. I am always so concerned about wasting the silver. I need to get a couple of items for my kiln to fire the bronze correctly, but when I do ...look out! The colors are amazing. I plan on taking a metal smithing class this summer as well. I might even pull out the silver I have and make a pair of earrings for my niece . Her 23rd B'day is next week. We are planning a bash @ Vapor, a nightclub in Saratoga at the Racino. I am really looking forward to this as I very rarely get to dressed up and just let go. Take a look at the pictures of my bronze pieces I did in class. The picture on the bottom is unfired, the top is fired but not finished.

I am lucky!

I am lucky, and I need to remember that. I sometimes get consumed by what I find overwhelming. Money, relationships, my work, my fun, kids, etc., etc. Then I hear about someone else's problems. How sad it is when people cannot appreciate the simple & good in life. The luxury of sleeping late in the morning, having a cute, warm, not fancy at all, home to live in, watching the wood pecker in my bird feeder peck away,. The faces of my children when they accomplish something, the smell of the barn when I visit the 2 nd man in my life ( son 1 st),"Hoy", I can go on & on. I think some people get so caught up in the drama they fail to see the simple things. I am lucky to have a good job in this current economy. I am lucky to have 2 healthy, smart, funny children, who are going to grow up to be wonderful adults, I am lucky to have a supportive, loving family who always make me laugh. Seeing the children in our family growing into wonderful adults, says to me we as a family, have done something right! I miss the companionship of another adult right now. It's just me & the kids. My hope is that someday I will have someone to share my life with & grow old with, but who will not suffocate who I am. I want to grow as an artist and try to do something artistic everyday. I do not want to fight or compete with anyone. I just want to live my life to the fullest. I am the type of person who would never hurt anyone intentionally. I think if people would stop running full throttle and slow down and look around them, they too would feel lucky.

Blah!

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Is it the grey days and snow covered landscape? Is it because I feel like staying warm and hibernating? I have no motivation! I get up each morning and make a plan in my head and then........I can't seem to get moving. Of course, this then leads me to feel guilty and I will feel bad about my actions. I normally like the outdoors and fresh air but for whatever reason...I just want to stay hunkered down inside wrapped in a blanket. I was going to clean the office/studio today. It is the same as when I moved in 4 months ago. I sat down at this computer to check my e mail, banking, etc. & all my motivation went out the window. I am going to post a picture of my mess and maybe that will give me some motivation to get the job done so the whole world does not think I'm a slob. Besides, I need a clean palette to start working. I want to work on my PMC jewelry. I have some great ideas and need to get them out and not just whirling around my head. I hate wasting time. I get so little free time, then when I have it I don't do anything. Aaaargggghhhh!!! It drives me crazy